One Day
2004-05-19 ++ 10:14 p.m.

Al-Anon and I guess AA too teach you to live one day at a time. I am really struggling with that right now. For most of the day I just kept thinking how I have to start dating again now. Hello! I think I need to get rid of the current one before I go looking for a new one. I am so scared of it though. It has been six years since I was on a date. I don't know that I remember how to act or even how to do it. But see, here I go again worrying about things I don't even need to think about right now.

On the way to Al-Anon tonight I had the strangest thought come into my head. I am just driving down the road I started to think about the last guy I dated before I met Shane. His name was Mike and I see now how much I didn't appreciate what a great guy he was. I guess at 23 we are all pretty stupid anyway. He was nice, kind, a gentleman, he listened when I talked and we could talk for hours. He didn't set me on fire though, and at 23 I guess I figured that was what I wanted, a man to set me on fire. What I wouldn't give now for someone that was kind and reliable? But see here I go again living in the past now. I guess it is easier because the present pretty much sucks the big one.

I so don't want to go see my lawyer tomorrow. I really wish I could find a way for this to be over with. It all just sucks.

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