2004-05-19 ++ 6:38 a.m.
I meet with the lawyer tomorrow. I am so not ready for this. Shane and I met and worked out all of the details for the divorce settlement. I need to type something up today and have his sign it when he comes to get Emma. I am hoping if his signature is on it he will be less likely to cause a stink when he lawyer gets the paperwork. I am still not sure how I feel. I mean I know I need to do this and I know it is for the best, but things have been really weird and even hard this week. We went to dinner Saturday night and had a really nice time. You would think we were a nice couple on a normal date. You would never know we were discussing the details of divorce decrees. But Shane is being so nice right now and acting like there is nothing wrong. I feel like I have to keep him happy until this is over and then I can tell him to bug off. I just an not interested in reconciling right now. I don't really feel anything for him anymore other than pity. I wish him the best and hope he can get better, but I honestly don't know if I will ever be able to forgive him for the things he has done. I look at him and the thought of kissing him, much less sex, turns my stomach. I know that things are over and I just don't know that he can ever change my mind. I know that isn't fair of me, and I could be wrong, but I just don't see it.
